People Watching
I failed again. I have reached nowhere, I'm still for some reason, stuck in this loop that I have gotten habitual to. It now feels normal to not feel proud of me, give or lose hope in me, be left out, fail, and waste half the day waiting for a response. My brain doesn't really want a satisfying day, it really has forgotten how it feels, I genuinely don't want this to last. I promised myself that stuff is in my hand and it's on me to get it on track, I can make decisions for myself but I never really did that. I hid behind discomfort and uneasy feelings, I opened my phone every 20 minutes and I imagined a future I wanted but I didn't go that extra mile. I didn't cause I felt the resistance I didn't cause I felt I'll figure it out later I didn't figure it out I rather took on me this new personality, an all-sweet girl, who never raises her voice, never argues, just smiles, she is nice and is there for everyone, she considers herself to be amazing...